Twins

Dated Thursday, April Fifteen.

I woke up this morning with only one sock. Wait; it gets worse. Waking up was the best thing that happened to me last night. My ex-girlfriend called me last night to tell me she had an abortion earlier that day. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. Last year a previous girlfriend claimed to have gotten an abortion and was using the story as ammo in her psychological campaign of emotional abuse against me. I am almost thankful for being put through this once before because I think I was able to handle it better this time. Although I still don't know how much I helped; and I probably never will.

I woke up this morning with only one sock. Last night I dreamt it was at least a year later and the abortion never happened. I am the father of two babies, not old enough to think, and my ex-girlfriend and I are living together but not as partners. There is a lot of tension; more than any dream I can remember. I have a very submissive role in the whole situation; there's no Love, I work twelve hour days in some type of manual labor job, I drink a lot–big surprise there–and generally seem to hate life. I Love the children though; I know that. 

We have skipped now, a few years into the future and it has become very obvious that these are not my children. They have dark skin and brown eyes. I rage. The woman I Loved cheated on me and I Malkovich hardcore; I verbally assault her until my throat is bleeding. I rage. I know what I have to do now and I do it. I get my gun and I take the kids outside; she tries to stop me and I point the gun at her, I explain that she is going to turn around and walk back into the kitchen. I am outside with two children that I had Loved as my own. I put the gun to their heads and one by one end the lives of her two illegitimate children. I walk back inside and my wife is on her knees crying; she is also black, and I have just killed our children. I fall to my knees as the realization washes over me. I turn the gun on her and fire. Standing over her lifeless body I am staring at the woman I Love. The woman whose children I fathered. The mother of my children! I am distraught. Her green eyes are still open and pleading with me to stop. I drop the gun, causing it to go off as it hits the ground and I am shot in the foot. (End dream.)

I cannot stop thinking about her. I don't know how she thinks about me. I want her back in my life. I want her to be my girlfriend. I don't know what I would have done if she had included me in the situation; she did not want me to be a part of it. Would I have tried to stop her? I have always been "pro-choice", but it's always different when it happens to you. I Love her and she is my ex... but that's the curse I carry I know... I still Love her.

It would have been twins.